Leave

"All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down.

And it's taken me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around."


I wish you'd leave.
Stop calling.
Stop texting.
Stop talking.


Be either the friend.
Or the lover.
Or maybe, even both.


Just make up your mind.
And tell me what you want.
Or better yet, tell yourself what you want.


"You had me falling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade."



I'll live.
And so will you.
We'll both be cowards, but who cares..?
We'll find other people, but it won't be the same.


"But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore.

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry."


And maybe this time, you'll ask me before somebody else does.

I'm Fine..

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun..

Is it you I want,
Or just the notion
Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around..

Safe to say from here,
Your getting closer now,
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be..
                                                                 --Breaking Benjamin
                                                                    "Rain"


For the first time since I can remember, I hate the rain. It feels like it's beating down on me and just yelling at me to break down. In fact, I'm so tired right now that I don't even feel like typing. But I will.


Because I'm Fine. 
If I keep telling myself that all the time, I will be.
Because that's how it works.
Because I can't Cry. 
Because I'm Strong.
Because I have people to take care of.
Because I'm Fine.


But what if I need you, baby,
Would you even try to save me..?
Or would you find a lame excuse to never be true..
What if I said I loved you,
Would you be the one to run to..?
Or would you watch me walk away without a fight..?
                                                              --Ashley Tisdale
                                                                "What If"

Every time..

Every new beginning,
comes from some beginnings end.

Every time you kill me,
I am born again.

Every time you close that door,
Another door is opened.

And every time you say goodbye,
a different word is spoken.

Every time you look at me
my back is facing you,

And every time you ask to see me
I'll have something else to do.

Every time I join your game,
You're not playing fair,

And every time I really love you,
I pretend that I don't care.

Gone..

Reality is a question of perspective; the further you get from the past, the more concrete and plausible it seems -- but as you approach the present, it inevitably seems incredible.

Salman Rushdie

I finished a book a couple of days ago..'An Improper Proposal' it was named..one of those sugary sweet novels about a girl and a thirty-something man and their romantic interludes..with a fair bit of very graphic sex scenes thrown in..I absolutely hated it..but the reason I started to read it--even though I knew the hero and heroine were going to end up together-- was Betu.

Who's that..you ask..? She was my oldest friend..and one of my best..and she loved romance novels..She had an entire stack of Mills and Boon novels and I never really understood her affinity for the trash..Not that trash was all she read..She read books of all kinds..from philosophy to science fiction to murder mysteries..But the real reason I decided to start my first (ever!) blog entry about her is:

I miss her.

She passed away earlier this year..16th January 2009 to be exact..and it was the most shocking news I've heard till date..I had no idea 1 phone call could change me so drastically..but it did..And in those three days..when I clung to the hope that she might come back, I grew up..

She didnt come back..and my last sight of hers was from outside the glass thing they put her in..covered in a white shroud and surrounded by flowers..That's not how I remember her, though..she was always the one I went to whenever I just needed to talk..and talk, we did..we've had some of the weirdest conversations ever..starting from boys (I got over Edward!) to cake (yeah, she taught me how to bake)..

One of my favourite places in the world was her room..where there was always plenty of food, John Mayer, Hector(her Dachshund), all those books and her..There I found security, a knowledge that no matter what I did, she wouldnt judge and a sense of freedom..because between us, there was never any pretence or lies..

We were just..Us.

To this day, I wish there was a way she could come back..but then again, life doesnt always give you what you want, does it..?

P.S: If there's a God..and for your sake I hope there is..please give her all the romance novels she wants..or you'll have me to deal with..