Boogee Beebies.

I think sleeping is a waste of time. Before you start cursing me, let me tell you, I've been cursed enough. Please try and hold off till I explain to you why I think it’s a waste of time.

There are a lot of other things you could do when you’re sleeping. Like for example, read. Or stalk people. Text, or call. Eat. Cry. Throw your limbs everywhere. Sing. Dance. In fact, practice it so you too can dance like all the hot girls, shaking their hair about and yet never getting messed up. Build a spaceship, and travel to the moon. Exercise. Jump off a building. Touch yourself.

So many things to do. So little time.

Luckily, I’m insomniac. I sleep very little, and have been able to function on a couple of hours of sleep all these years.

Yay, me.

So, one night I decided to use this free time, when no one would disturb me.

I was going to make myself super hot.

I found an article on homemade facial masks, which are ‘fuss free,’ ‘easy’ and ‘economical.’

Turmeric Facial Mask

A basic turmeric face mask. The milk soothes and eases your skin while the turmeric cleans and makes it glow.

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon Milk

1 tablespoon Turmeric Powder

Method:

Mix the milk, and turmeric until it is a smooth paste. Spread the paste gently and equally with your fingertips on your clean face and neck, keeping the eye area clear. Now lie down, relax and leave the mask on for 15-20 minutes. Your skin should feel tight and dry, so do not worry if this happens. Wash it off with cold water, and pat your skin dry with a clean towel.

Makes your skin glow.

Cool. That made me really happy.

I skipped off to the kitchen, took out my mother’s spice rack, and found the required turmeric. Then, I opened my fridge for the milk.

Anyone who knows me, know the obvious distaste I have for milk. The smell of milk revolts me. Put something that smells that bad on my face and leave it for 20 minutes?
*throws up*
NO WAY.

So, I start looking for alternatives.

Butter?

Nah. What if I used up all of it? I needed it for toast. Which made me hungry, so I toasted some bread, put a generous helping of butter on it, and chomped away.

Cheese?

Nope. I really shouldn’t rub awesome tasting mold on my face. This also made me hungry. So, I ate some cheese too.

Curd?

Perfect.

So, I mixed turmeric into the curd, and watched the mixture turn almost orange. I applied dollops of it liberally to my face, and thought how graciously I would accept all the compliments I would receive the next day.

Brides are made to apply turmeric on their face prior to their weddings, so imagine what a beautiful glow my face will be suffused with.

Aaah, joy!

After a leisurely 20minutes, I washed off the mixture with cold water, and patted my face dry with a (hopefully) clean towel.

Wow. My face really does look brighter. What an amazing glow!

No, wait.

That’s not a glow.

My face was yellow. Like the sun. Or sunflowers.

I scrubbed my face with everything I could find, till about 6am that morning.
My face was still yellow.


I read somewhere that the human body grows when one sleeps. I'd like to believe that is why I didn't grow.


"So then I took my turn
Oh all the things I've done
And it was all yellow."
                                --Coldplay
                                --'Yellow'